Stuff That Makes A Gay Heart Weep

Wasting Money On Products Your Pets Hate

 

 

Thuggies

What in hoodie hell????

 

Dangerous Thuggie gang. Don't fuck with them. They'll try to chase down you in their Thuggie gowns.

 

 

Creepy Croc Pumps

I bet they get what they want in the boardroom!

 

 

CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT FAIL

What makes a Gay Heart Weep tears of glitter-streaked mascara? Why walking into his local Walgreens (I mean drug store) and finding these *cough* lovely *cough* ornaments gracing the shelves.

The Jersey Shore serialized into cheap plastic 2 for $10 ornaments just screams Merry Christmas, doesn't it? C'mon, isn't this really what every household needs?

 

Dial "G" for Goombas.

The perfect Christmas ornament: Glitter Herpes.

Dress Made Out of 3000 Cow Nipples

Cow nipples? Seriously? WTF???? Whyyyyyyyy?

This weepy monstrosity is from UK designer Rachel Freire. As one would expect, animal rights groups got their own nipples into a twit when the dressed was shown in September and Frieire was quick to defend her ridiculous choice to shock and use cow nipples:

"I create fashion using material that would otherwise end up on the scrap heap. What I am doing is recycling. The people criticising are clearly clueless about the amount of leather wasted on a daily basis."

Sorry hon, it's still creepy as hell.

 

Book Smell Fragrance For E-readers

Seriously...fragrance for e-readers? While it looks like a joke, the folks at Smell of Books.com are dead serious and call their new tech-cessory "Aerosol E-Book Enhancer." With Eau to cats and Classic Musty, they may need to rethink their fragrances - How about some chocolate, beer, new car smell, or fresh baked bread? Would you buy a can of fragrance for your e-reader?

 

Vending Machine Tattoos

 I can hear Kat Von D's weeping all the way from WeHo.

 

Ipad Covers Made From Bernie Madoff Clothes

WTF??? What's next? Ipad covers made from Kardashian Bras and Charlie Sheen boxer shorts?

via www.style.com

        By Matthew Schneier

Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes, the saying goes. What about until you’ve swaddled your iPad in his sweater?

A new company, Frederick James, will let you do just that, in the castoffs—or forcibly-removeds—of Bernard Madoff, the reviled Ponzi schemer currently serving a 150-year sentence in North Carolina’s Butner Federal Correctional Complex.

Founder John Vaccaro, a Web designer and developer, conceived of the idea for Frederick James when he left one of his own cashmere sweaters lying near to his new iPad; soon after, he began producing a small run of cases in cashmere and fashion fabrics. But the idea took off when he read about the auction of items from the estate of Bernie Madoff. Off he went, and came home with a bounty of clothing, now cut and sewn into custom, one-of-a-kind tech accessories. An initial batch—made from a navy Dior sweater and a Bergdorf Goodman sweater vest—sold out within a day of returning from the factory, solely by word of mouth. A Wall Street lawyer bought five at $500 apiece to give as Christmas gifts.

Wall Streeters, hedge funders, and financial types are the main market for the cases, Vaccaro explains. At the auction, white-collar financial guys snapped up lots for memorabilia’s sake—the same people who, he hopes, will be buying iPad cases made of Banana Republic chinos and Murphy & Nye sail-cloth pants for between $250 and $500. (Certificates of authenticity are available upon request.) “There were people in the hedge fund industry who wanted to showcase them in their offices,” Vaccaro remembered from the auction, where over-the-top items like Madoff’s monogrammed velvet evening slippers went for several times their estimated prices. “It’s a prize thing for people in finance.” Asked about the potential squeamishness of profiting off Madoffiana, the designer shrugged. “Nobody’s really objected,” he says. “People are like, oh, that’s cool—then people are like, oh, that’s kind of weird. At the end of the day, [they] like owning a piece of history.” He noted that proceeds from the auction benefited the victims, and that he hopes to make a donation of his own once his company turns a profit. He declined to say how much he’d paid for the lots of Madoff clothing, though he did disclose it had been more than he’d intended.

“I was buying stuff I didn’t even need,” Vaccaro added about his hours at the sale. “By 10 o’clock at night, there were stragglers there—probably only 20 of us left. This lot of cooking stuff came up, and I thought, why not?” It won’t make a tech accessory, but he’s now the proud owner of a set of Madoff’s pots and pans. “Everything tastes a little richer when you’re cooking in them.”

The Madoff iPad cases are available now at www.frederickjames.com.

Peekaboo Eyewear and Flair Hair Visors

Not the shades OR hair you want to be seen in this summer. Contrary to what the 80's dance song sings, every day is NOT Halloween! It's three months away, come on people! Visors don't need hair and glasses shouldn't look like an alien is about to take over your body.

 

The Hoffsicle

Do you want to lick The Hoff? David Hasselhoff thinks so. And so does Del Monte! They've just come out with a smoothie flavored popsicle shaped like his image. I don't know about licking The Hofficle, but I might enjoy biting its head off. This cheesy promotional video will have you weeping with laughter. But what I really want to know David, is are you going to make vodka Hoffsicles? Maybe then I'd lick...

 

   

Emergency Underpants

   Maybe if they had skulls or little army men...

 

BEYOND Tacky Royal Wedding Souvenirs

 
 The Royal Wedding Sick Bag

In America we need these for Kardashian Weddings. But what many of us gay hearts could have used were Royal Wedding tissues for our happy weeping! Who didn't tear up during the big moment? The Royal Wedding Sick Bags are a novelty joke created by an entrepreneur who was sick of all the media coverage on the wedding. All I can say is they don't have much to weep about - they have one prince left whereas we have 4 Kardashian sisters. We're going to need a lot of sick bags. Stock up now Costco!

 

Pappa John's Will and Kate Pizza

 

This just makes my gay heart want to vomit. And would perhaps explain why Papa Johns didn't make it available in the US and it costs $500.

  

 

Will and Kate PEZ

 

WTF?? They look more like a stoned Mr.and Mrs.Smith! Nice job Pez!

Apparently a fan in Connecticut has won these weepy little fuglies in a charity auction with a winning bid of $13,000.

 

The Royal Wedding Teabags

 

Speaking on behalf of the gay population of America, we are ready to start teabagging Will and Kate!! Who ever makes these Royal Wedding teabags, please get them into Trader Joes ASAP. For those of you who can't wait for Trader Joes, click HERE...

 

Crown Jewels Condoms

We'd also like these please. 

In bulk. 

Walgreens ASAP.

And in a special Prince Harry magnum pack!

 

 

 Will and Kate Hand Towels

 

These weepy towels can stay in England.

 

Ugly Easter Eggs

 
Hard to find Easter eggs? Who the hell wants that? Not the parents who will face crying, screaming, and fights when the eggs aren't found within at least ten minutes. This camouflage easter egg idea is hippity-hoppity lame. There's a reason for the day-glo colors! Your supposed to see Easter eggs a mile away - like Kim Kardashian's ass - so then you just push everyone out of the way, run up ahead, and drop to your knees, sweeping up as many eggs as you can. You're NOT supposed to need binoculars, a shovel, and a bottle of vodka. The only thing us gay heart boys want for Easter that's hard, does not involve a plastic egg.

Edible Easter Grass

An Easter Basket Nightmare if you're a germaphobe.

...or a parent.

Making Your Iphone Look Like A Tron

  

Does it make you weep? Or do you want one?