Stuff That Makes A Gay Heart Weep

Having To Wait For Madonna's New Album

A new song just dropped and we want more! The record company is teasing us. It sucks having to wait for our Queen. Come on Madonna, release it now so gay hearts can stop weeping and start dancing! <3

  

 

 

 

Creepy Bieber Fans

If this wasn't staged, Biebs better contact the FBI.

 

Nicki Minaj's Harajuku Disaster at The VMA's

  
We love you Nicki and you have done some wildly insane fashionista looks in the past, but this weepy Harajuku-inspired concoction looks like it was vomited together with a glue gun, some yarn, and a shopping spree at the 99 Cents store. C'mon Nicki, you are an amazing artist and a beautiful woman, there's no need for you to look like a circus clown from the movie Contagion.

  
Mama Beyonce does it right. Nicki is ready for Halloween in Weho.

 

Tween Twit Renames Street 'Justin Bieber Way'

Wow.

After winning a contest on Facebook (what???) to be mayor for a day in Forney, Texas, 11-year-old Bieberette Caroline Gonzalez decided to pull a publicity stunt during her time in office and rename the town's main street as "Justin Bieber Way."

Obviously embarassed, the town's real mayor announced the sign will be removed and the street will regain its original name as of Monday.

It's sad that this Bieber freak has resorted to fame-whore ways at such an early age...and that the town even allowed it!

Kendall and Kylie Kardashian Ruining Katy Perry's Fireworks Song

 
My gay heart wept like a wet firework as I watched Katy Perry's inspirational song visually massacared as a back drop to bad music video making and beauty pagent modeling. Then my gay heart not only wept but got angry at seeing it on Kim Kardashian's site posted as "Kendall and Kylie's New Music Video" Sooooo just because you lipsync to a song (which we've all done), you now have a music video? Shouldn't she be saying Kendall and Kylie LIPSYNC (AND RUIN) Katy Perry's Firework? Also take notice of the youtube video below. You'll notice it says Kendall and Kylie COVER of Firework by Katy Perry. I'm sorry, but doesn't "cover" mean sing??????? My apologies if this video makes you want to rip your eyeballs out their sockets.

 

 

Taking a Dumbass Photo and Not Realizing It

  

Ke$ha fans glittering things up from Dumbassland. They really should go see the Wizard about getting some brains.

 

Overzealous Bieber Fans

 
Just not enough of The Bieb to go around...and stalkers are born.

 

When Your Job Is To Advertise On The Street Wearing a Costume (Unless your Justin Timberlake or Lady GaGa)

 

I would so dress up as a hot dog if I could be between them all day!

Most Awesome coworkers in the world! (And hilarious SNL sketch)

Happy 4th of July!

Enjoy your liquors today!

 

 

Former DC Real Housewife Michaele Salahi Singing and Modeling

 
This scary photo of Michaele Salahi looking like a wet kitchen broom at a Miami beach is not the weepiest thing she's done recently, below is her hideous droid-like perfomance on an NBC Miami morning show. Following in the footsteps of many other Real Housewives, she's got a shitty new dance song called Bump It , complete with obligatory black rapper. Please Michaele, for the sake of the weeping world, we don't want to see any more of your bony emaciated body or hear anymore robotic karaoke singing and demented crazy lies. Go back to the winery and stay out of the public eye, you're blinding us. Isn't there a way to get the FCC to ban her from television? 

 

 

The Bacon Song

 
Just as we're pulling the gauze out of our bleeding ears from Rebecca Black's Friday, here comes a weepy (or should I say greasy) tune called The Bacon Song. In this dumbass ditty that sounds like a bad Nickelodeon teen rock promo, the three pork lovers above each take turns crooning about their undying lust for bacon which includes bizarre fantasies and singing the word Bacon over and over so many times it makes me want to squeal like a pig running from the butcher. WTF??? I love bacon too, but no thanks on songs with lyrics about it. I'll stick with the American Idiots, Highways To Hell, and Bad Romances...

 

Mark Steines "Raise Your Glass" Tribute Video For Mary Hart's E.T. Exit

 

Mark Steines is so weepingly horrible in this music video I can/t stop watching it over and over it again. I think he has elevated the chicken dance to a whole new level. As a bonus Soup LOL you get Wendy Williams afterwards doing an impersonation of pukey Kim Kardashian's fiance Kris Humphries. It's spectacular. We <3 you Wendy. I'm just sayin....

 

Beyonce's Run The World - If the World Ends Today This is Why

WTF Beyonce??!!! We love you girl, and you look hot as always, but seriously this is a weepy apocalyptic mess! The song is unlistenable and it looks like she's playing Road Warrior. If the world ends today we can all blame the booticlious diva! She appears to be doing some kind of scary tribal thing summoning destruction, or rain or something...

 

James Durbin Being Voted Off American Idol

 
Forget the world ending on May 21st, a giant fuckball just hit American Idol! My gay heart not only wept when James Durbin got voted off, it got angry and pissed. All metal style! I wanted to smash something! Losing Casey was unbelievable and Pia was the best female singer of the top ten, but I honestly cannot understand why in weepy American Idol hell Lauren or Haley are still there!!!  Just who is voting for them??? Bored teenagers? Phone banks run by The Religious Right? Aliens from District 9?

We've seen this before on American Idol. It's what I call the Jordin Sparks Curse - a boring pretty teenager with a so-so voice gives boring so-so performances (many of which get panned by the judges) and then she goes on to win the show. So for me last night when the results show began and Ryan announced that Jordan was performing, it was like a creepy omen from a horror movie. A chill swept over my weepy gay heart - I knew the news was going to be bad. And then before I could even reach for my phone and Google the results, Lauren and Haley were safe....I was choking on my bile....and then Jordan clomped out on stage pretending to be Beyonce! AAAAAAAAGH!!! Fire and brimstone! That my friends was the American Idol Apocalypse.

Even though cute Scotty has a sexy voice, playful personality, and will grow up to be a country music superstar stud that will make women melt and some men hard, if the Jordin Sparks Curse continues its on it's destructive wrath, he'll get cut next week. Wouldn't it be great if enough people got pissed and stopped watching and AI's ratings took a crash! Teach them a lesson! Yeah, right. That won't happen.

So for this gay heart AI is over. If I wanted to watch High School Musical I'd catch it on Netflix streaming. Seriously, it's all about the country teens now. Still love JLO (who was crying), Randy (who looked furious), and Stephen (who looked heartbroken) - you guys are the best judges Idol has ever had! We'll see what next year brings. Now that the Season Finale is over.

Don't Stop Believin James! You don't need to win a stinking TV show that judges it's winners by anonymous phone calls. You are a true rock god, and your gold is coming boy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ark Music Factory

 

Known to gay hearts as Bark Music Factory or Autotune Music Factory, these are the masterminds that made Rebecca Black's weepy Friday Video (below), as well as a bunch of other creepy teen pop videos.

I'm not only weeping after watching this highlight of Ark Music Factory's "talent," but my jaw is on the floor and my ears have decided to sue me. They're pissed I made them endure the full 9 minutes of the video - which, be forewarned contains some horrible, horrible singing. I put my ears through the torture because the behind the scenes reality drama was just too juicy to look away from! And apparently this is all exactly what you would suspect after watching the video: Mommy and Daddy pay lots of money so their girls (Ark handles mostly girls - yes that's creepy) can record a song (with autotune enhancing to make them sound better), do a live performance, and then, make one of these scary videos:

 

Rebbecca, Abby, and Alana or only the beginning. Now that all eyes are on The Ark, we are in for some scary-bad weepy shit this year! Let's hope it's hilarious!=D Maybe their next venture should be called ARP Music Factory and it can be for all those lovely girls over 45!

 

Music Videos With Teenagers From Stepford: Rebecca Black's Friday

 

This is a very special STMAGHW post dedicated to Maheen who mentioned Rebecca Black in the comments and so, of course, I could not resist sharing our weepy misery with you all! It's Friday and according to Rebecca that means gettin down and party and party! If you have not already seen or heard about it, the music video Friday will most likely make you want to rip off your ears and gouge out your eyes.

But hopefully before you do that, you'll get a chuckle out of watching The Stepford Wives teen spawn joyride in convertibles while looking like they're high on Ecstacy. As the orderly trainwreck marches on like a fire drill, suddenly out of nowhere a copycat black rapper (who also looks high on Ecstacy) appears driving a big car grinning like the Chesire Cat. Yes, he is so bad if Usher and Drake see this they could end up in the hospital. 

After that ear-cringing moment, we get a high school power point lesson obviously designed for the mentally challenged as Rebecca sings out the days of the week teaching us what comes next in case we forgit what they is. WTF????

And of course, Friday is so bad that everyone wants to see it, the music horror video has now gone viral and is a fullblown internet sensation. The scary Stepford Teen Queen Pop Star Wannabe told Good Morning America she was devasted and cried when she heard all the harsh words from critics and commenters. Well, shit, Rebecca what did you think would happen? A Grammy nomination? Below is the GMA interview she doesn't seem upset now (and she shouldn't be, the song is climbing up iTunes so she is going to get a sweet pay day) I tried to like her, I really did. Her real singing voice (sans the autotune) wasn't too bad, but when she turned into a gushing fan and said her dream was to sing with The Bieb, my gay heart almost puked it's guts out.