Stuff That Makes A Gay Heart Weep

Newspaper Ad Placement Fail

 

 

 

Photoshopped Celebs: Faith Hill

This weepiness happens so much I could have posted hundreds of magazine covers, but I love how Jezebel animated this to show you exactly how over the top magazine cover photoshop shenanigans are. It's too bad because Faith is a gorgeous woman, she's just not 21 anymore.

 

Stupid News Headlines Like This one:

We can weep about the dumbass who wrote it -- then thank her for the LOL. But the burning question here is what did the deputy do with the buttocks crack?

via www.huffingtonpost.com

 

MARIE CLAIRE AND MAURA KELLY

 

By Benjamin Kissell

Few things make a gay heart weep into hysterics (then kick off the shoes to get into fightin' mode) quite like bullying. In the wake of the bullying-induced suicides in October [yeah, yeah, I know, 2 months later I get around to writing this] the nation focused and gay (and non-gay) hearts stood up and said 'enough bullying'.

Unfortunately, Marie Claire didn't get that memo. Despite having a huge gay heart market, sponsoring Project Runway [Oh Heidi, I'm so disappointed - auf wiedersehen] for example, Marie Claire turned on gay hearts and their staunchest supporters ... "fat chicks".

Oct 25th, MarieClaire.com posted its lovely [note sarcasm] article, "Should Fat People Get a Room, Even on TV?" by Maura Kelly. The article, a review of the show Mike and Molly, was assigned by the editors to Ms Kelly, who had never actually seen the show. [At last check, she still hadn't.]

A lovely (and pertinent) fact is that Ms Kelly is a recovering anorexic. In the article, go ahead, read it, she complains about how disgusting it is to see two overweight people on tv making out. What's the next step, saying how disgusting it is to see two gay heart men? Two women? A slippery slope. Just days after its release, two of my favourite authors - both self-described "fat chicks" (and gay heart supporters) - helped lead the charge against this idiocy. Jen Lancaster's blog I've Got Your Counterpoint Right Here, Marie Claire and Stacey Ballis' Marie Claire You Are So Dead to Me made me proud to be both a gay heart AND an honorary "fat chick" [go #TeamFatChick].

 

 
*me with Jen in 2007, we're so prom*

In an attempt to bring this to a national/international audience, Jen appeared on BBC RadioTalk with a 'certified fittness expert' [translation: complete tool] to discuss the article and its reprecussions. 45 minutes later, cut to the audience wondering if the expert was secretly Ms Kelly's bf, due to his fanaticism-like responses defending her. More than one listener asked if he got blow-by-blows from her [tacky, but funny] to keep him on her side.

In the gay heart community we embrace all kinds and sizes - from twinks to bears, lipstick to lumberjack - and it takes every one of us acting together to change this closed-mindset.

Despite her "apology" (the italicized paragraphs under the main body of her article) it doesn't feel like Maura Kelly or Marie Claire is truly sorry for insulting, bullying and alienating so many gay hearts (and honorary gay hearts). For that, they both made this gay heart weep [and tear up that adorable Emma Watson/Hermione cover issue]. Who's with me?

 

[You can follow Jen Lancaster and Stacey Ballis on twitter, there may even be archived tweets from our #MarieClaire gayheart attack. Bad, shameless, self-promoting gay heart.]

Ryan Reynolds, Sexiest Man Alive, Is Not Gay

 
...if only...and the gay heart boys weep. What a hot stud! Ryan, you should be on our team! (Sorry Scarlett!)

 

Bush Fans Who Vandalize

 
Not only does this make my gay heart weep, it makes me wish I was momentarily overcome with illiteracy so I didn't have to read that. Pic was take from one of my bloggers on Retail Hell Underground. She was at a grocery story, saw the Globe rag-mag, and then wondered why his forehead looked all fucked up. A closer look revealed the weepy message. I guess this just shows what kind of fans dickface dubya has - the kind of ignorant, redneck people who would defile merchandise in a store making it unsellable and causing losses. 

GQ Glee Club Controversy

Gay heart boys aren't weeping over the controversy of this GQ Glee Club cover and photo spread showing Lea Michele and Diana Agron in sexy hot school girl lingerie, their weeping because there's no photo spread of football quarterback Cory Montieth's wearing a jock strap in the locker room. C'mon GQ - equal slutty opportunity please! If you are going to have half naked models, include some studs for us boys! After all, we probably make up for 90% of your readership!

 

Another Kardashian

 
When the news hit another Kardashian is on the way, gay hearts weren't just weeping they were puking their guts out!!!!! This horrific involuntary reaction happens as a result of having too much Kardashian shoved down one's throat. I have termed this virus The Kardashian Puke and you can read more about it in the book version of STUFF THAT MAKES A GAY HEART WEEP.

The photo above I took for my blog Retail Hell Underground. The segment is called Customer Rejects and exposes the humorous side of piggy shoppers dumping merchandise where it doesn't belong. This one is full of hilarious irony. I swear I did not set it up!!!! I would never consciously think to put the word "smart" next to the word "Kardashian!" Ever. I would have put a package of super-strength barf bags. Or maybe a can of RAID - kills bugs dead!....or even better: cover up their faces with a package of toilet paper.

Heidi and Spencer

 
Gay hearts aren't just weeping that Speidy is back together, they are gagging and tyring to hold back the celebrity puke (see Kardashians entry in STUFF THAT MAKES A GAY HEART WEEP) that wants to rise up from the throat and spew forth every time their eyes or ears come into to contact with these two dumb-dumb dildoes. Seriously, can't we just cover them in dog poo, stick them in a capsule, and blast them off into to space?

The Globe

 
Dear Globe, for the love of gay hearts weeping over John Travolta, did you have to go and pick Prince Charles to out!?!? AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! Couldn't you have chosen someone cuter to be your grocery store gay flavor of the month? What about Prince Harry? He's a stud. GLOBE, WE DON'T WANT PRINCE CHARLES! Will someone please sue them on behalf of the gay heart weeping community?  

Bullies

 
Pheobe. Tyler. Seth. Asher. Raymond. Billy. Gone from us too soon. You were all amazing people. Are hearts weep for you and wish we could have been there for you. My thoughts and prayers are with their families.