Stuff That Makes A Gay Heart Weep

FAITH HEEL-ING

 

"I pronounce you healed!!!"
"And I pronounce them heels, dumbass." 

 

Benjamin Kissell

 

Is there anything in the world that will make a gay heart weep mascara tracks of confusion and angst like that age old debate: religion versus sexuality?

 

Well, there’s the whole carbs issue, but that’s an article of a different weight-class. And then there’s the White after Labor Day kerfuffle – but, I call myself Caucasian, so I think I’ve avoided the whole mess.

 

This particular gay heart weeps trenchant tears of misery in sympathy for those who get plunged into the fight: there are seldom any winners in these battles – more often, every one walks away hurt inside.

 

Of course, here’s where a casual observer might assume I’d push my own religious views. But, then the casual observer would be wrong. I mean, how would me preaching be fun/funny/entertaining?

 

Short answer: it wouldn’t be.

 

Long answer: a basic religious rule of mine is “MADONNA. She is/She was/She will be.”

 

 "I treat Madonna like many folks treat Christ."

 

So, there you go.

 

No, the battle of religion versus sexuality [somewhere in Vegas there’s a Prize Fight with this name] has been waged for ages and within almost every religion around the world.

 

That being said, few can boast the “Ex-Gay Movement” quite like Christianity and its branches therein.

 

Normally, I wouldn’t riff on them for this – Hell, if the active continual need to flagellate themselves upon their religion to deny who they are is what gets them up in the morning? I say go for it. For themselves.

 

Do. Not. Push. This. On. Others.

 

Once you force this internal issue on someone else? Nuh-uh.  

 

And when your repressed, self-hating ass pushes this esteem-killing bullshit on ME? Oh honey, no. Just. Plain. No.

 

The game? Is on.

 

……

 

Recently, I was shopping at the mall when I ran into two family acquaintances (not quite friends). For politeness' sake, I'll call them Punch and Judy. Both are active members of the Ex-Gay Movement.

 

Never one to be impolite to my elders - well, to start the impolite, anyways - I smiled, nodded and did my best to roll with their kind-hearted and (to them) well-meaning advice and the convoluted conversation about my family in the early 80s.

 

Punch is a scruffy-looking, sandy-haired, middle-aged woman [note that I didn't throw in the obvious wearing-of-flannel with a mullet, that's a cheap shot, even for me] and contrasts nicely with her friend, Judy.

 

Need I make the obvious statements about Judy being a sweet and soft-spoken, limp-wristed old man? I didn't think so - kinda implied there.

 

Having been approached in college by more Bible-thumping bigots than I can shake a stick at [and more than a few of them tried to shake said stick, if you read between the closeted lines] to "redeem myself" and "Pray the sins of gay away" my hackles rise whenever a conversation takes a turn for the denial-angle.

 

"I was gay in college, Ben," Judy's soft voice cut through the din as I zoned out of the conversation. "But, I found my way through our Lord, Jesus Christ. I know what it is to live with that Evil inside of you." Evil?

 

 

"No, honey - these shoes? Are evil. Positively Pilgrim: blech!"

 

"Causing you to have unnatural  thoughts and desires. It's been a struggle - every day - but, I know with His strength, I persevere daily." Yes, because appealing to the gay Jew to find the strength in Christ to play it straight? Aces tactic.

 

Of course, he was batshit crazy to think I bought a single word of it.

 

Ready to lob a vitriol-fueled foul-mouthed retort right back at this, I made the mistake of looking directly in his withered and kindly face.

 

Shit.

 

All Judy wants is for his struggle to mean something; to know that the pain he inflicts on himself because of dogmatic bigotry is worth it. How could I hate someone who, daily, hates a part of himself?

 

I'm an asshole, but, I'm not that big of one.

 

Usually.

 

Deflated, I threw on my best crow-eating grin and said some of the toughest words that have ever come out of my mouth - "I'm really proud of you, Judy. I know that this is an amazing thing you do."

 

And it is; hating yourself so thoroughly and buying into such claptrap for so much of your life is amazing.

 

And still having a good heart? That is truly stupendous.

 

Of course, I'm still me - genuine Class A Jackass - and I tossed a smart aleck-y "I'll say a prayer for you at Temple with my boyfriend" over my shopping bag.

 

[I seldom go to Temple - twice in 6 years isn't bad, is it? - and been perennially single for the better part of 9 years of dating.]

 

......

"Why do I think I need a faboo pair of 7" heels to feel better?
Oh, wait, because it's WWMD - What Would Madonna Do."

 

Game on, indeed.

 

Ben's Mouth: 1   -    Religious (well-meaning) Fanatics: 1 ... damn tie.

 

And the time my best friend's Grandmother tried to have one of those old-fashioned revivals where I would be "saved"? ...

 

Fanatics: 2

A Valentine's For Homophobes

  

 

AN OUTBREAK OF CLOSED MINDS

 

"be careful; better not expose yourself"

Benjamin Kissell

What makes this Gay Heart stagger, then Weep tears of sheer frustrated exasperation at the madding crowd? Why, it’s another example of biased, closed-minded individuals attempting to use the system of open equality to deny said equality to others.

 

Recently, kick-ass author (always fun Twitter tweeter) and awesome vocalist on rights-abused Kelly Barnhill (The Mostly True Stories of Jack, Iron Hearted Violet) posted about a “proposition” brought before the school board at Anoka Hennepin, Minnesota. Yeah, proposition - it's a list of demands.

 

Initially reported by the Twin Cities Daily Planet newspaper [here], I couldn’t help but share Kelly’s outrage at this abuse of the openness schools have finally come to. In an era of increased awareness of the effects of bullying, this is just plain sad.

 

Let me preface my argument here: Obviously, I am gay.

 

I am not a Christian – I was raised Presbyterian, but, in my early 20s I came to Judaism. I comport myself as a member of the “Reform” branch of Judaism [my best friend and I jokingly call me Jew-ish]. I believe in faith; I feel everyone ought to have that inalienable right to their beliefs (from Orthodox Christianity to Islam, from Buddhist to Wiccan, from Deist to Atheist [and from Justin to Kelly]). It is not my place to judge the veracity of others’ beliefs the way I judge their outfits and hairstyles.

 

That being said, I think this group, the “Parents Action League”, is a bunch of self-righteous, unmitigated assclaps [and you can quote me on that].

 

I could tackle this article two ways: 1) I could pick one or two key points and expound upon them or 2) I could go all MST3K [Mystery Science Theater 3000 for non-geeks] on their asses … hrmmm, decisions decisions.

 

[Like anyone thought I’d miss a chance to riff on bigots?]

 

What follows is an excerpt of their proposals/demands brought forth (like some latter-day 10 Commandments of bigotry). My color-commentary and snarky commentary follow in italics.

 

1. A new division within the student support services and a special section on the District 11 website devoted to student of fiath, moral conviction, ex-homosexuals and ex-transgenders.

Okay, I had to look up "ex-transgenders" here. I mean, how does one become an "ex-transgeder"? Does this involve layering the former gender on top of the transformed gender? Like a triple-sundae? Boy to girl to slightly girly-bits boy? It sounds really confusing and expensive.

Of course, it's really just another evangelical shite-line that they try to sell to confused and pained transgendered folk of faith: you can pray the pain/confusion/sexual identity away. Right.

 

2. A listening tour by Superintendent Denny Carlson and district prevention coordinator Barry Scanlon with students of faith, moral conviction, ex-homosexuals, and ex-transgenders.

Again with the exes - I don't know about you, but I prefer my exes to be kept either in isolation or at least as far away from me as the restraining orders allow.

Yes, listening is good. And letting the students voice concerns is a GREAT thing - open and honest are good keywords here. But, again, the whole open and honest possibility when someone is cloaking their bigotry behind religion? Not really the right tack.

Also? Anyone else notice the wording there - "moral conviction"? So, by being GLBT one cannot have morals or honor? Thanks for the closed mind there, buddies.

 

3. That District 11 administrators and staff work closely with pro-family and ex-homosexual and ex-transgender organizations to provide ongoing training to school counselors, school nurses, social workers, school psychologists, prevention specialists, student learning advocates and a number of secondary principals and principals.

Wow, that sounds very endearing. Let's all work in harmony. Happiness; unicorns; fluffy bunnies; lollipops and rainbows. Oh, wait. Rainbows are gay. And positive. We CANNOT have that. Let's knock the sense outta that right here, right now.

Also? As if the school system isn't already taxed to within an inch of its life with the endless programs upon our teachers and such. The spare time to do this comes from where? It's not like we want the students to go to school to learn applicable lessons at any point, right? #TOTALassclapFAIL

 

4. Provide professional development opportunities in which philosophical, pedogogical, and political assumptions of GLBT advocacy are critically examined.

ASSUMPTIONS OF GLBT ADVOCACY ARE CRITICALLY EXAMINED?!?! Say WHAA-AAT?! Are you fucking kidding me? The question of legal rights within our own nation are questioned enough as-is, you're gonna teach the next generation to go even further?

Listen you insane fuckwits [pardon my French] I think it's time you and my taser met ... you know, for a philosophical and pedogogical discussion of my rights as an American citizen.

 

5. Provide webinars, seminars for all staff on over-coming sexual disorders.

And, lest we assume they mean actual disorders here - they mean only GLBT related sexuality as their sexual disorders.

When a straight man rapes a 12 yr old little girl, well, that's just kosher, eh?

 

6. Provide training on bullying and suicide that protects all students.

Okay, for the first time I can't quite say something mean here. Oh, wait - they cited the "It Gets Better" videos as "vulgar". Yepp, let's REALLY chat about better training on bullying and suicide that protects all students ... (in fine print: well, the students "we" approve of).

Or do they mean to provide training on how to BETTER bully and increase suicide? If so, it sounds like they're right on track there to me.

 

7. Provide the history of gay-related immune deficiencies and acquired immune deficiencies and the medical consequences of homosexual acts.

SAY WHAT? Gay-related immune deficienc-say whaaaaaaaaat?! Okay, so, the entire HIV/AIDS epidemic which affects equally homosexual and heterosexual persons is all a lie?

Wow.

Thank you. I'll make sure to tell my friend Susan - a heterosexual woman, aged 34, causcasian, that she's not really carrying a time-bomb in her bloodstream. I mean, it's only a gay-person's disease, right?

Nope.

Y'know, for crying in the kitchen sink, I thought we got past this ridiculous mindset when Nancy Reagan left office.

 

8. That all health classes that address homosexuality be required to provide up-to-date information from the CDC on sexually transmitted diseases and HIV among the groups the CDC designates as men who have sex with men.

Yes, because heterosexual sex NEVER leads to STDs; gross infections and such.

Or teen pregnancy.

Or more closed-minded-bigots.

Say it with me, everyone: Assclaps.

 

9. Provide the following pro-family, ex-homosexual, ex-transgender information and websites to all counselors, school psychologistsclassroom teachers [the list was submitted to the board and not spoken at the meeting]

I'll concede - equal rights applies to all. The information should be available ... no matter how pinheaded and idiotic it is.

 

10. Provide pro-family, ex-homosexual and ex-transgender videos to secondary media centers.

Sure, provide them. Just because you provide them doesn't mean anyone needs to watch them.

 

...................................................

 

Worst part? I had hoped that this was just one of those standard Right-Wing Conservative Nutjob moments - unfortunately, one of the religous folk presenting this shite was a Rabbi. Let's all gang-up on the gays.

Yes, totes. 

After all, aside from Juden, no one else were heavy targets for Hitler's cleansing. Well, except for Gyspies [I have Romani blood] and homosexuals [I don't practice, I am expert]. Shouldn't minorities targeted by bigoted religious zealots stick together?

 

 Let's get together in harmony, NoH8, and smack a bigot.

(with our words)

Westboro Baptist Church Comes To Long Beach...and Gets Told

 

This will make you weep with pride! The clash happened back in Feburary and I just stumbled upon it. Way to go Long Beach. <3 If only we could do this ANYWHERE those Westboro Baptist Bitches show up! In fact, wouldn't it be sweet if we could have a Million Gay March at their doorstep?!!

 

Rick Santorum Compares Gay Marriage To Napkins - And Gets Told By Jon Stewart

Douchey Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum used a napkin to talk about gay marriage and Jon goes after his ass. It's Stewart-a-licious!

 

 I want to marry YOU Jon Stewart!! Too bad you're already married. (To Tracy, a beautiful woman I might add!)

 

N.J. Bridal Shop Refused to Sell Wedding Dress to Lesbian Bride

From ABC News:

Popular reality wedding shows such as "Say Yes to the Dress" depict how emotionally trying the purchase of a wedding dress can be, but Alix Genter found that out for herself when she was refused her dream dress from a New Jersey bridal boutique.

Genter, a graduate student at Rutgers University, was refused the sale of wedding dress at Here Comes the Bride, in Somers Point, N.J., after she says its manager found out she was a lesbian and insulted her about her pending "illegal action."

Donna Saber, who owns and manages the small bridal boutique, had initially called Genter to follow up on the availability of a special light-weight version of the dress Genter had coveted from her shop.

Saber told ABCNews.com that when she prepared to call Genter about her order, she noticed that she had crossed out the word "groom" and put in the word "partner" instead.

"When I mentioned it to her, 'Oh, I see you crossed out groom and put in partner,' I got a barrage," Saber said. "I literally got a barrage of 'bigot' and other really cruel words...I might be the kind of person that when you get at me, I might continue the fight, and maybe I shouldn't say this, but I have my beliefs. I did say that I, to the best of my knowledge in the state of New Jersey, that we do operate in New Jersey. If she had remained calm, I would have been able to tell her, that it's illegal, it's an illegal action, that her marriage was illegal in NJ. "

Even so, her store's Yelp profile has received well over 300 reviews, most of them of them negative, in the last 24 hours alone from individuals all over the country, which proves that the topic of gay marriage remains a sensitive issue.

The boutique's Facebook page administrator had removed similar comments from its public wall.

Saber says that she does regret her words towards Genter and said that on Friday afternoon she left Genter a voicemail expressing apology for her behavior.

Genter didn't respond to the apology, telling ABCNews.com, "I can't have this in my life and I've decided not to talk to any more press. I've said what I've needed to."

Kathryn Hamm, president and co-founder of gay-friendly wedding vendor directory GayWeddings.com, said "It's not surprising that this happened, but the good news is that it's happening with less frequency among wedding vendors in the industry. For what it's worth, I can understand how vendors who haven't considered this issue may not be in favor of it [gay marriage] – it feels scary and intimidating."

Hamm added, "Alix Genter's wedding will forever now will be associated with that very difficult and disrespectful experience. My heart goes out to her and her family. It's a day of celebration that they are preparing and planning for, and Alix has the same right to experience that joy as any other bride."

In June 2011, New York joined Washington, D.C., Iowa, Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Vermont with its legalization of same-sex marriage.

Same-sex unions in New York State are not differentiated from traditional unions statistically, but more than 5,000 couples in New York City have applied for marriage licenses within the last two months, compared with 4,191 over the same time period last year, Mark Botnik of the New York City Mayor's office told ABCNews.com

The jump in marriage license applications and ceremonies has kept the New York City Clerk's office has been busy.

"The atmosphere has been very positive since the law took effect on July 24th, and we have seen a pretty decent increase in volume of people here," said Michael McSweeny, City Clerk of the City of New York.

"Every day I've seen same sex couples coming in for licenses and ceremonies, and the atmosphere is very upbeat – it's been a summer that none of us will ever forget."

via abcnews.go.com

 

Gay Marriage In California Left In The Hands of Religious Voters - Thank You New York Legislature For Doing the Right Thing

 
Every time I hear the phrase: "The California Voters have spoken on gay marriage," I want to weep and scream at the same time. These religions that don't believe in gay marriage have a right to their opinion, BUT THEY DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO INFLICT IT THROUGH GOVERNMENT LAWS ON TO OTHERS THAT DON'T SHARE THE SAME BELIEF. End of story. There's no argument, unless these religious voters would like to see other laws passed based on views of other religions they don't agree with. Gay marriage cannot be left in the hands of voters. What would have happened if the rights of women and black people had been left up to voters during those times in history? In 1948 California passed a ban on interracial marriage.... AT THE HANDS OF CALIFORNIA VOTERS! Yep, blacks and whites could not marry, and the polls in favor of it during that time were WAY higher than the polls against gay marriage today. It took the California Supreme court to strike down the ridiculous law.....sound familiar? Stay out of gay marriage California voters.

 

May 21 Doomsdayers: You Are Wrong and I Can Prove it with Lady Ga Ga

I know for a fact the world will not end on May 21st.

Why?

Because Lady Ga Ga's new album comes on May 23rd and Christ, along with God, Satan, and the rest of us don't want to miss it!!! Thank you for saving the world Ga Ga!

But there are those who feel differently and here in Los Angeles we are being treated to Judgement Day freeway billboards and dumbasses driving cars with Jesus save the date wraps (like the grinning bitch above) I don't know what she or any of these loons are thinking. If Jesus Christ did magically float down from the sky looking all 2nd century and exactly how they envision, she'd be the first to call the cops.

Come on May 21 Doomsdayers. Relax. Take a Xanax. Go have a drink. And if you see Jesus on Hollywood Boulevard, buy him a beer!

I think we should all have End of the World parties this weekend blasting Ga Ga while guzzling Judgement Jello Shots, Meteor mojitos, and Apocalyp-tinis!

Where did they get the money to waste on this advertising? Seriously, they could have used it to feed homeless people or something. Such a waste. 

 

DADT: Gays And Lesbians Weep Over President Obama’s Pace

“It takes a little time to turn the Titanic back around.”

These are lyrics from a song*  that should be played every time someone complains that President Obama hasn’t worked fast enough to fix 8 years of economic damage under G.W. Bush’s presidency. Although the Titanic I speak of is not our current economic system, rather it is the discrimination of Gays and Lesbians who have and/or still are serving in the United States Military.

Ever heard of the expression “I’m a friend of Dorothy’s?”  Well that used to be a code for Gay men in the military to be able to identify others in the service. They were able to look after each other whenever possible from situations that would make them vulnerable to being court-martialed or from being murdered for their homosexuality.

SOURCE: Advocate.com

President Obama has only been in office for 2 years and unfortunately has underwent public scrutiny from the Gay and Lesbian community for not getting Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) reversed starting from the first few months of his presidency up to this present day.  Sadly some extremely valuable homosexual military personal “outed” themselves to military superiors before DADT could be addressed by the President, Senate and Congress. Perhaps they had expected President Obama to swoop in and intervene with a regulation that The House and Senate must agree to repeal. It is sad to see these beautiful men and women with exemplary records being discharged based on their homosexuality, and our gay and lesbian hearts weep for our country’s loss.

SOURCE: AP/Michael Dwyer

According to a newly released study by the Pentagon, the results made it surprisingly clear that the majority of our present day US military do not feel that sexual orientation affects a soldier’s performance. Now is the time for The Senate to act on repealing a clearly discriminative and pointless military regulation. We can only hope that the Pentagon results will allow for the brave and patriotic Homosexual soldiers serving in our armed forces to no longer need to live in fear of being discovered and torn away from serving our country and protecting our national security.  Our hearts go out to those who were victims of military homosexual ‘witch hunts.’  As well as much empathy goes out to those who may have been too hasty by declaring their sexual orientations when this complicated and delicate issue needed to be brought up and addressed through all the proper channels in order for it to be permanently repealed. We must all remember that DADT is a Titanic of an issue and perhaps this just may be the time when it can be turned around. Therefore the belief that President Obama’s pace is slow on this issue must be halted. We must remember that he has been on our side all along, and unfortunately this isn’t the only complicated issue he must facilitate action. If John McCain were president, repealing DADT would have never had a chance to get as far as it has now.

The existence of DADT makes our Gay and Lesbian hearts weep.

However impatient and unrealistic Gays and Lesbians who bash President Obama regarding this issue, definitely make hearts weep with sadness….

-M-

* Amy Grant – “Takes a Little Time”

   

Rep. Eugene Delgaudio

 
By Benjamin Kissell

Gay hearts weep profusely - bitter tears with a side of gnashing teeth - when it comes to ignorant politicians trotting out this tired phrase - "the wide-spread homosexual agenda".

In Sterling Virginia, Representative Eugene Delgaudio has ignited controversy (as evidenced here) with his mass e-mail concerning "the wide-scale homosexual agenda" and airport security. He cites the TSA's non-discrimination hiring policy [a national law] as "the federal employee's version of the Gay Bill of Special rights." [Seriously? We have a whole Bill of Special Rights just for us? I feel loved.]

He continued, "That means the next TSA official that gives you an enhanced pat-down could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission". [Practicing? Sir, this gay heart has left the practicing circles behind, thank you very much.]

That's an astute observation, because it's patently obvious [*eye roll*] that the "wide-spread homosexual agenda" is to pat down unhappy, overly-stressed airport travelers.

Sweaty, unhappy, snappy and often unpleasant airport travelers. 

You sir, Rep. Eugene Delgaudio, are what makes a gay heart truly weep in despair.

 

Students Wear “Straight Pride” Shirts

Last week a handful of students wore shirts with the phrase “Straight Pride” printed on the front of them.  Now at first glance this news would seem amusing for most homosexuals because those shirts are clearly imitating the much beloved phrase “Gay Pride.”

Isn’t imitation the highest form of complement? Well yes, but not in this case.

These students showed up wearing shirts reading “Straight Pride” in the front and “If a man lay with a male as those who lay with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination and shall surely be put to DEATH” printed on the back. The text on the back of the shirts originate from a translation of scripture found in the book of Leviticus 20:13 in the Bible.  As you can see, the scripture actually refers to the act as an abomination. Yes, this is also the same book in the bible that says that the eating of shellfish is an abomination. (That’s in Leviticus 11:9-12 just in case you were wondering)

The students showed up at St. Charles North High School sporting their Tee shirts on the Monday, which coincided with Ally Week. Ally Week is a weeklong awareness that works to honor the efforts of organizing protection from the name-calling, harassment and bullying of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered in schools grades K-12. To the credit of the St. Charles North High School, they did respond to the outcry from the students that the shirts incited violence towards LGBT individuals and made the students who wore the offending shirts black-out the Bible translation quote on the back of them. Did the anti-homosexual activism end there? Well not by a long shot. This week a St. Charles North High School administrator contacted police about anti-gay graffiti spray-painted on the school.

St Charles Illinois happens to be a community with very little cultural diversity and the average household annual income is well above the poverty level.  Such actions by youth are often inspired by strong religious indoctrination that stresses the violence in the Bible rather than the message of love and compassion that Christ taught later in the scripture cannon.

Using religious scripture to incite violence against any group of people makes not only lesbian and gay the hearts weep, but it makes many hearts in our nation weep in embarrassment that we have not yet evolved as a people …

-M-

Cindy McCain

Really Cindy?!!! Are you fucking kidding us? Gay hearts are not just weeping they're disgusted. Cindy McCain quickly transformed herself into the Queen of Hypocrisy after changing her stance on DADT the other day and deciding to agree with her Evil Old Monkey of a husband. I guess the compassion shown here in the NOH8 compaign is more about modeling and good press....because she certainly doesn't have any compassion for the thousands of gay service men and women who have been humilated, bullied, and HATED ON becasue of DADT! Really Cindy? What a douchey manipulate-the media-for-your-image thing to do. Please just go somewhere and fuck off. We're tired of your bullshit.

Gay Pride Haters

 

Whenever gay hearts assemble in a large group, such as Gay Pride, the homophobic haters always show up with their banners and bullhorns attempting to ruin everyone's inspirational time. This usually consists of several bearded old men who look like redneck zombie truckers.

Protected by bored looking officers, the haters chant things like "Repent or perish in hellfire. God is unhappy with you. Pay for your sins before it's too late." Nothing makes a gay heart weep more than being told to "turn or burn," or that Jesus and God hate them.

However gay hearts are resilient and clever when it comes to facing these homophobic religious numbnuts. What was once a creepy hindrance, has turned into a gaylicious photo op.

Gay hearts now defiantly pose in front of the haters for collectible pictures like they were at Universal Studios in front of the harpooned sharked from Jaws.

Suitable for framing in the living room.

Mormon Leader Boyd K. Packer

Looks like someone forgot to take their meds! Gay hearts everywhere weep for ignorant, bigoted relgious men like the Mormon Church's Elder Boyd Packer, who cloak their hatred and intolerance using God and spirituality. Shame on you Elder Packer for publicly delivering such a disturbing message full of hate and fear in the wake of recent tragic events. Please save your dementia-like ramblings for the dinner table ath the rest home, no one else wants to listen to it.

John McCain

 

Please John, we are sick of weeping over your insanity and nonsensical gibberish, isn't it time to retire to that golf course in Arizona?