Stuff That Makes A Gay Heart Weep

Fashion Accessory Trainwrecks

 

 

 

Creepy Croc Pumps

I bet they get what they want in the boardroom!

 

 

Crossbred Ugg, Croc, and Feet

Mostly likely some kind of weepy spoof. If not, it needs to be shot on sight.

 

Dress Made Out of 3000 Cow Nipples

Cow nipples? Seriously? WTF???? Whyyyyyyyy?

This weepy monstrosity is from UK designer Rachel Freire. As one would expect, animal rights groups got their own nipples into a twit when the dressed was shown in September and Frieire was quick to defend her ridiculous choice to shock and use cow nipples:

"I create fashion using material that would otherwise end up on the scrap heap. What I am doing is recycling. The people criticising are clearly clueless about the amount of leather wasted on a daily basis."

Sorry hon, it's still creepy as hell.

 

Bad Halloween Costume Choices

If you don't know what this is, you're better off.

 Happy Halloween!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

Confusing Halloween With Fashion

A freakishly fun costume for West Hollywwod Carnival, but a real scare for afternoon shopping in Milan. Hopefully Head Fashion Police Officer Joan Rivers is reaching for her shotgun....and she shoots the right shrunken head!

 

 

Scary Celebrity Tattoos

Forget Paranormal Activity 3, waking up to Mrs. Doubtfire's warped inky face in the dark on your partner could be reason to scream like a blond about to be murdered. While body art is the eye of the beholder for the most part, these are some weepy fan tats for sure!

 

 

Somewhere Julie Roberts is screaming (and so is that viral video dog who is spooked by her face)

 

The many scary ink faces of Julia.

 

Who is this you ask? Isn't it obvious???

Why it's a QVC-jewelry-selling inspired drawning of Demi Lovato of course! (I hope she never sees this, she might have nightmares)

 

Oprah and Bob immoratalized freakishly on skin.

 

If you choked and gagged, and then guessed Bono on this one, you would be right! Although I don't remember Bono having a frankenstein forehead!

 

And she will Judge you....right into jail for wearing that!

 

Yes, I want a tat of Will Ferrel from Elf looking like he's seen Santa naked, yes that is exactly what I want!

 

...and I also want a tat of Patrick Swayze as a Minotaur with rainbows! They wiill be nice guides when I take my trip to mushroom land.

 

And no scary celebrity tat gallery would be complete with out some crazy! A bold bald Britney lets this fan never forget the pop icon's drunk hollywood nights.

 

 

Creepy Bieber Fans

If this wasn't staged, Biebs better contact the FBI.

 

Gay Pride Gone Wrong: Beardboobs

I call him Beardboobs because he reminds of what bigfoot would look like with make up and thrift store clothes. Beardboobs magically appears at many LA events including Pride, grossing out nearly every person that catches sight of his weepy get up. He can often be spotted riding a bicycle and if you think his front is scary, the backside of Beardboobs will make you shriek like Drew Barrymore in Scream.The school girl skirt is too short and he's not wearing underwear underneath. When Beardboobs walks away, people point and jaws drop because you can see colors around his asshole!!!!!....yep...COLORS!!! The area around his asshole is TATTOOED!! EWWWWW and OUCH!!! and WTFOMG... and AAAAAAAAAAGH! My gay heart nearly vomited the $10 pride margarita I gulped because of heatstroke.

So if you missed seeing the elusive Beardboobs live on the streets of Weho today, for your Gay Pride Gross out pleasure, I felt it was my weepy duty to provide you with Beardboobs backside! (NOT FOR THE EASILY SICKENED OR IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE EATING WHILE READING THIS)

 CLICK HERE TO SEE BEARD BOOBS SCARY BACKSIDE PIC

Happy Gay Pride gayheart boys and girls!

And watch out for Beardboobs!

 

STALKERMOMS AND TWI-HARDS

 

By Benjamin Kissell

What makes a gay heart weep? Logging onto his myspace page and finding this photo tagged [yes, this photo is from August 2008, and yes, I am wearing make-up, thank you very much]. Bad enough to be coerced by a boss [read: bullied and paid] into portraying our 'favourite' [shoot me] vampire, Twilight's very own stalker extraordinaire, but finding photographic evidence? #gayheartshame

August 2008's release of Breaking Dawn introduced a whole different level of stalker-dom [Harry Potter fans are sane in comparison, FYI] as encompassed at the bookstore where I work. Being skinny(ish) with poofy hair and strong cheekbones got this gay heart into trouble.

Not only does the book advocate a new level of May/December romance [a virgin at 117? honey, that's lame, shameful and reduces a gay heart to weeping tatters] but, it practically lays itself out as the new Stalker's Handbook.

On top of the stereotypical fans, Twi-hards, a whole new breed of fanatics came out of the coffin - StalkerMoms. Mothers of the teens reading the books fell HARD for the glittery/be-dazzled vampire as well as the muscled and shirtless werewolf. Seriously. Hard. Unhelpful are the movies; casting the most foppish Brit to hop across the pond since Hugh Grant and the most muscled teen since Adonis. Randy, middle-aged mothers across the globe didn't stand a chance.

Nor does a gay heart's stomach - I may wretch.

By our fourth Twilight event (book releases/movie premiers) almost as many StalkerMoms were coming as the Twi-hard teens. For the dvd release of New Moon I posed for 17 photos with StalkerMoms. 17. Say it with me: seven-teen.

When it comes down to it, a gay heart can only take so much Twi-hard-fandom and glitter (outside of a Cher show, noone needs that much glitter) and must run away from the StalkerMoms.

In retalliation?

 

Say it with me, Twi-hards: Pattinautner.

Accessorized Jock Straps.

Seriously??? A fuckin tale? Could prove to be angerous if you own cats. You'll weep all the way to the ER.